I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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