textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
