So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
