not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
