i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
