i barfeds in our rink
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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