dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
