haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
