Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
