I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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