Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
