Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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