I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
