summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
