Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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