I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
