Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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