Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
