Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
