Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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