does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
