Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
