OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
