there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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