the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
