My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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