Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
