all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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