my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
as a side note pls kill me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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