But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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