The maid of honor just puked.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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