hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
