Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
