I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
