well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
