Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The Olympian is in my bed
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
