I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think my vagina is haunted
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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