1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
