It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
