she looked like the before picture.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
