Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
