You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
