Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
