I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
