Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
