A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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