24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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