I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
