seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
