she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
