She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
