the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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