I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
