Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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