i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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