dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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