I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We are all done wearing pants today
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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