my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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