im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
