Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
