my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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