Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
