I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
