Im at strip club and am horny
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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